we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
