If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
