remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
