why didn't you poke me back
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
