it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Randomize
