it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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