I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
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