There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize