I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
