she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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