my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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