I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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