What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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