You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
