I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
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Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
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I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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