You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
