I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
