even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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