Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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