happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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