dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
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An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
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Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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