How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
