Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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