were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
So much rum. So many feels.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He? As in you personified your dick?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
