well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize