dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
