I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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