Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
