i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
