Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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