I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize