I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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