I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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