I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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