We named our party play list daddy issues
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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