Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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