boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
