Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
it was like eating out sand paper
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
