Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Randomize
