Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
