Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize