So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
