I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
