lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
