All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
