I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I am naked and annoyed.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
