i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
