i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
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