It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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