eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Enjoy the penises
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
