My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
