Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
