He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
