I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
