i may or may not be watching the land before time
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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