i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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