Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
